Who IS Mr Wonderful? Cirque du Freak Edition
by The American Ranger
Summary: A story without a plot. A hyper author. The cast of Cirque du Freak. A dramatic contest. What will happen? Who IS Mr. Wonderful?


**AN: Do NOT ask me why I wrote this. I won't be able to answer! Well, enjoy!**

*Mr. Wonderful plays*

Me: *Walks in and dances around* Hello everyone! Vampires, fan girls, vampeneze, Little People, and everyone else I don't feel like mentioning at the moment!

Audience: *Cheers*

Me: Now, some of you know why you're here, and others don't…

Audience: *Looks around at each other and whispers*

(Males from Cirque du Freak fall from the ceiling)

Audience: *Scream collectively*

Larten: What…

Darren: The…

Kurda: Hell…

Tiny: I'll murder you all!

Vancha: You! Girl! You got any wine?

Me: No.

Harkat: Aren't you…already…drunk?

Vancha: Your point?

Me: Anyway! *Looks sharply at Vancha* Do you guys know why you're here?

Steve: Well you refused to tell us so-

Me: Shut up you son of a bitch!

Steve: e_O

Steve fan girl: Hey, don't talk to him like that!

Me: *Presses button which makes flying turtles come and attack them*

Steve: Fine. I'll shut up.

Steve fan girl: *nods fearfully*

Me: Okay, pack to the somewhat point. We're here today to decide who here is REALLY Mr. Wonderful. Unfortunately, the plot bunnies made me include almost ALL of the male characters….*glares at plot bunnies*

Plot bunnies: *Glare back*

Larten: …is 'Mr. Wonderful' code speak?

Darren: I think it's a song or something.

Me: *Looks horrified* You've never even heard the song before?

Darren: Nope.

Larten: Never.

Me: …

**A minute or two later.**

(Darren and Larten have oversized, personally designed by me headphones on. Larten is, for some reason, shirtless.)

Me: So, to help and assist me, I have my friend Kenzie with me! Everyone give a round for her!

Audience: *A few clap*

Me: *Prepares to press the turtle button*

Audience: *Claps*

Me: Thanks!

Kenzie: *Runs on stage and glomps Larten. Doesn't let go.*

Me: Okay, well, she's really only here because I told her Larten was gonna come.

Kenzie: *nods* It's true.

Larten: Get off of me.

Me: Now, I know what you're thinking.

Mr. Tall: That you're awfully short?

Me: Shut it.

Mr. Tall fan girl: *Growls psychotically*

Me: I was thinking that you're wondering about how I'm going to decide the winner. Well, I don't really know, to be honest.

Darren: Wait, you don't have any idea what's going to happen?

Me: No, but I do have candy!

Darren: …

Evra: Can I have some?

Me: Okay!

Evra fan girl: Get away from him, bitch!

Me: Toooouchy. Yeesh.

Evra fan girl: *Growls*

Me: *Growls back*

Sam: *eats pickled onions*

His fan girls (How did he even get fan girls?): Sam! Look over here!

Me: Hey, stop it! Back to the show!

Sam: *Shrugs*

Me: So first, for no reason, I want you all in bathing suits! Except for you, Tiny!

Tiny: *Frowns*

Me: No stripping, either.

Tiny: Damn, you figured out my plan!

Me: …I'ma pretend I didn't just hear that…

Kenzie: Can I help Larten change?

Me: Fine. This IS FanFiction after all.

Kenzie: Yay! *Drags Larten off*

Larten fan girl: How DARE she? *Starts to get up*

Me: *Begins to push turtle button*

Larten fan girl: *Sits back down*

Twenty minutes later.

Me: Guys, what took so long?

Murlough: We uh, couldn't find the bathing suits. *Shuffles to cover carnage*

Me: *Shakes head* Murlough, did you maim another pop star?

Murlough: She was irritating me.

Me: Who was it this time?

Murlough: That Bieber girl.

Me: *Bursts out laughing*

Bieber's fan girls: Hey!

Me: WHO LET THEM IN? (Presses new button which releases radioactive turtles with rabies)

Larten: That was a bit drastic.

Kenzie: *Points at Larten in delight* Lookit, he's so sexy!

Larten: What is the point in this?

Me: To cause all the fan girls inner joy.

Kurda and Darren: *Walk out*

Me: *Fangirl squeals* I loooove you guys!

Kenzie: *Smacks me in the back of the head* Back to the story!

Me: Okay, okay!

Harkat: *Walks out*

Me: Hey, Harkat.

Harkat: What is…WRONG…with you?

Me: Candy+Me=hyper.

Harkat: Crazy…writer.

(After everyone comes out and the fan girls have had their eyefills)

Me: Okay, now I wanna handcuff you guys together like yaoi couples. The audience will decide who gets linked to who.

Vancha: Men aren't really my style, but okay.

Larten: You are sick. You are a sick, red, man.

Me: Indeed.

Gavner: Why do my trunks have pink elephants on them?

Me: Wow, that was random.

Darren: I'm with her, that WAS pretty random.

Tiny: Die! Die all of you!

Darren: As was that.

Me: SHUT UP AND DIE ALREADY TINY!

Tiny's fan girl: *Looks shocked*

Me: *Pushes turtle button*

Tiny: Where did you even GET those?

Me: I found 'em under Darren's bed last night.

Darren: What?

Me: Exactly. Anyway, *Picks a guy who happens to be Seba Nile*

Larten: Why are you in the audience?

Seba: They wanted me to be special.

Larten: I think they got you gender confused.

Seba: Hibernius and Larten.

Larten: Evil man.

Seba: Thanks. I appreciate it.

Kenzie: *Handcuffs them*

Me: Next….you.

Random girl: Mr. Tiny and Darren.

Darren: WHAT?

Tiny: *Blinks*

Kenzie: *Handcuffs them together*

Darren: *Screams*

Me: Hmmm…you.

Random punk guy: Evra and Murlough.

Me: Ooooh, good one!

Evra: *Starts crying*

Murlough: *Giggles insanely*

Me: Ummm…you.

Random goth chick: Kurda and Gavner.

Me: Predictable.

Kenzie: *Handcuffs them anyway*

(About ten minutes later we're done. Everyone is either screaming, crying, or reluctant.)

Me: Well, people, my work here is temporarily done. *Leaves*

Kurda: Wait! Aren't you going to let us out!

Me: …later…I guess…

Kurda: But-

Me: Bye!


End file.
